Teaching Piano To Your Own Children
DO YOU TEACH PIANO LESSONS TO YOUR OWN CHILDREN?
Yes. And no.
I try to keep my kids’ lives relatively private from my online teaching business, but this question comes up so frequently from other teachers that it’s worth addressing here in case my thoughts help someone else.
At the time of publication, my children are ages 17, 14, 11, and 8, and I teach three out of the four. The other studies piano with a friend and colleague who is the perfect personality fit. (He also happens to be an excellent pianist and wonderful teacher!) It’s better for my relationship with this child if to send him to another teacher. That said, I do help with his home practice when necessary.
➡️ This post was written in January of 2021. If you’d like to read a July 2023 update, click here.
WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO TEACH YOUR OWN KIDS?
If I’m honest, the primary reason that I teach my own children is that our family lives on a limited budget, and I can’t bear to pay someone else to do the very thing that I do best.
Closely related to this is the fact that I want to be a big part of my own children’s musical education, especially in terms of the piano. I want to give to my kids what I also give to other people’s kids.
But, of course, there are downsides.
It’s difficult to remove the emotional tension that comes with any parent-child relationship. If there is conflict or disappointment, especially in the teenage years, it’s easy to bring that into the lesson time. I have found that it is much easier to maintain a positive attitude with my students who do not share my DNA.
On a practical level, I regularly struggle to maintain a weekly lesson time with my own children. I can’t tell you exactly why this is so difficult. It seems to be the first thing to go. I also tend to make sure I take care of all administrative details with paying customers before I remember them for my own kids.
THIS IS HARD…HELP ME, PLEASE!
In my opinion, for the right child, the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.
So, if you are struggling with teaching your own kids, or if you are considering it, I’ve compiled a few tips here. If you have more brilliant ideas, please leave them in the comments!
Set a regular lesson time when you are the teacher and your son or daughter is the student. During that time, act as you would in any other lesson for the assigned time.
Outside of lesson time (with the exception of a time when your child asks for your help), let your child practice on his/her own, just as any of your other students would do. If your child is too young to regularly practice independently, consider having your spouse or an older child help whenever possible to keep yourself in the teacher role.
When talking with your son or daughter, clarify if you are speaking as mom or teacher. My own mother did this brilliantly when I was a child (even though I studied with another teacher). She would say, “Right now I have my piano teacher hat on, and you played that so well!”
Consider starting your child’s musical education in a group setting, such as a Yamaha or Musikgarten course. My kids greatly benefitted from this before starting private lessons with me, since they shared music with peers and watched them progress through practice.
Listening to your child practice can be painful - I might speak from experience on this one. Let him practice while you are out of earshot. This might be when you are out of the house, in the shower, exercising in the basement - whatever works!
Get input from other teachers whenever possible. I try to enroll my own children in masterclasses, exams, and competitions whenever appropriate so that they get outside feedback as frequently as possible. This also helps me avoid blindspots in my teaching.
Take advantage of the other musical opportunities for your children, such as school band, church choir, guitar or ukelele, youth orchestra, and more. My children have all chosen a second instrument and are in various stages of study. Since piano is so foundational and there is so much music in our house, adding another instrument has been easy for my kids.
If your child does study a second instrument, help them decide when necessary which instrument will be their primary focus. I did this with my oldest when he started high school, as it was unsustainable for him to practice two instruments enough for his level of advancement while also juggling school and sports. My 14-year-old starts high school next year, and we have already had this conversation as well. This doesn’t mean that your child has to drop one instrument entirely. It just informs decisions about the regularity of lessons, expectations around practice, ensemble involvement, etc.
Keep music-making fun in your house. Since I incorporate a lot of practical skills in my teaching, such as sight-reading and lead-sheet playing, we frequently end up with various combinations of kids making music together. Just the other night, I found my 14-year-old and 11-year-old bossing each other around while improvising (one on the grand piano, one on the digital). My 17-year-old has often been employed to play a teacher duet with a younger sibling.
Practice patience. Patience is not something that we have or don’t have; it’s a virtue that requires practice and discipline. I am continually working on this.
Avoid living vicariously through your children. This takes self-reminders for all of us, regardless of how emotionally secure we are.
Apologize when you make mistakes.
Know your kids and treat them as individuals just as you would your other students. Choose repertoire that is motivating to them, call out their individual strengths, and work on their individual weaknesses. Make sure your expectations are reasonable and in line with what you expect from your other students.
