Teaching Piano To Your Own Children: Update
Do you teach piano LESSons to your own children?
Yes. And no.
I originally answered that question in this older post. Since then, three school years have finished, I’ve sent a kid off to college, and the younger ones have obviously all gotten older.
I shared that post a few times recently, and I realized that it was time for an update.
At the time of this update, my children are now 20, 16, 14, and 10 (about to turn 11). Here are their musical stats. Please forgive me for any motherly pride that might ooze from this post.
My 20-year-old is away at college and is not doing any music formally. However, he participates in his home church’s music ministry when he comes home for Christmas, Easter, and summer break, including playing piano, violin, and singing baritone in the choir. Oh, and if we sing something at home as a family, he can give us the first pitch and tell us when we go out of tune. 🙄
My 16-year-old just finished his sophomore year of high school. He plays the piano very well and plays trombone in the school band. Prior to high school, he also played violin, but we decided that he would give that up in 9th grade, making piano his primary instrument and trombone his secondary (school) instrument. He rarely practices trombone at home, although he is practicing a bit this summer because he’d like to do well on his ILMEA audition in the fall. I still teach him piano, but I send him regularly to have a masterclass-style lesson with one of my colleagues. I think this past school year he had 5 of these lessons, roughly once per month for the middle part of the year when he had less sports commitments (he runs cross country and plays baseball). I am very proud of myself because we actually found a lesson time this year that worked well for both of us, and he received almost as many lessons from me this year as all of the rest of my students! 😂 We are in the initial stages of college searching, and music is not on the list of potential majors.
My 14-year-old just finished 7th grade and is my child who has always studied with another teacher. (This is the same teacher that my 16yo goes to periodically.) We have struggled over the years to work well with each other, and it’s best for our relationship if I stay “mom” in regards to music rather than “teacher.” He is also doing percussion in school band, and, can I just say, his rhythmic sense is insane. I am very proud of him for asking for more help from me this year when he felt a new piano assignment was overwhelming. I guess we are both growing up if he can ask for help and I can offer some thoughts without either of us melting down! 🫶
My 10-year-old just finished 5th grade and studies with me. She is an incredibly diligent, driven student who loves music, so teaching her is easy. (Not that I don’t ever lose my cool - knowing just how much potential she has makes it difficult sometimes to treat her just like any other student.) She also takes flute lessons with a friend and colleague who happens to live in our neighborhood. We are going to have to carefully evaluate her schedule next year with the transition to middle school to see if practicing both instruments is still sustainable while she also does dance. And, I need to find a good, regular time for our lessons, which has not yet happened! 🎹
Hiring another teacher to teach your child
How did I choose the other teacher for my sons? This colleague happens to have studied with the same primary teachers as I did for both our bachelors and masters degrees, so we have a similar approach to technique and artistry. He’s also a man and I think it’s good for my boys to connect with a male teacher who is a fantastic pianist and a very caring individual.
While my oldest son had a few lessons with others and frequently received comments on his playing from evaluative events and masterclasses, I wish I had invested in some outside lessons for him throughout high school. It’s been so good for my 16-year-old to connect with this other teacher and get regular feedback from someone other than me. (It’s amazing when the other teacher reiterates what I’ve already said!)
Advice for teaching your own child
In that previous post, I gave several pointers for teaching your own children. Below I’m re-posting the ones that I have continued to find most important:
Practice patience. Patience is not something that we have or don’t have; it’s a virtue that requires practice and discipline. I am continually working on this.
Avoid living vicariously through your children. This takes self-reminders for all of us, regardless of how emotionally secure we are.
Apologize when you make mistakes or lose your temper.
Know your kids and treat them as individuals just as you would your other students. Choose repertoire that is motivating to them, call out their individual strengths, work on their individual weaknesses. Make sure your expectations are reasonable and in line with what you expect from your other students.
